Coach's Blog

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New Year’s resolutions can often be short-lived. This year, consider setting a long-term dedication to live your best intentions. Making a long-term vow is like setting the compass of your heart.  Even in these challenging times, we can pause, sit quietly and dedicate ourselves to a noble way of life. Write down your intention and put it where you keep special things so that it can serve as your underlying direction. No matter how much adversity or how many setbacks you face, your heart will guide you to kindness, compassion and love.  You cannot control the consequences or how others respond, but will find contentment in the value, rightness and truth of your actions.

There is much about life that we can learn from nature.  A storm may make life difficult and cause inconvenience and danger, but will pass.  While the storm rages, we can wonder at its power and find its beauty.  The clear sunny day after the storm may bring warmth, obvious beauty and relief, but may also reveal damage and the work needed to move on.  These days too will pass.  Animals and plants instinctively flow with and grow from changes in weather and their environment.  Only by finding a way to flow with and appreciate every day, come what may, can we get the most out of our limited days on earth.

There is endless beauty in the world if your eyes are open to it.  There is ever present music in the sounds of life if your ears are open to it.  There is boundless love in every person and at every turn if your heart is open to it.  Practice a welcoming, curious and embracing mindset.  Revel in the wonder of all.

We all smile in the same language.  The power of a smile is evidence of the spiritual connection shared by all humans.  A smile is unhindered by borders or language differences.  It is inherently kind and caring.  A smile can uplift and brighten another’s day in a heartbeat.  What if smiling becomes our first reaction when encountering anyone, friend or stranger?  I’d like to see that world.

We all live experiences that are inherently personal and unique from the lives experienced by others.  We should willingly and compassionately offer a listening ear, an open mind, a caring heart and the gift of time to understand and not criticize the lived experiences of others just because they might differ from ours.  Let us know make assumptions, but be eager to learn and appreciate what others are going through.  This kindness could be the lights for someone who is suffering and in need of support.  Offering our hearts unselfishly to others unleashes the power of authentic compassion that will enrich all our lives.

What did you do to make yourself better today? Every day, we have opportunities to choose between comfort and growth.  While we can’t rush the process of getting better, it will happen if we approach life with the intention to improve, the willingness to be vulnerable and the desire to be the best humans we can be.

 Kindness. Compassion, Respect.  You’d think that these qualities would be universally embraced, but unfortunately, we encounter too many examples of our fellow humans acting otherwise.  The golden rule is about empathy.  Seeking to understand what it’s like to walk in another’s shoes and to care about their experience.  As Maya Angelou so brilliantly said “…people will forget what you said and what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel.”  We cannot control how others acto or receive us, but we can strive to live the golden rule every day.  After all, our character can be judged by the way we treat others who cannot or choose not to do anything for us.  Choose kindness, compassion and respect.  Pass it on.

LOVE.  We are all born with an unlimited supply.  Some say that love is the ultimate experience of any sentient being.  While your love is always within you, how often are you aware of it?  How often do you feel its presence and share it with yourself and others?  To have love be at the essence of who you are, try to paus and connect with your heart several times daily.  Endeavor to make love your resting space.  I will be working to meet you there.

We often default to the tried-and-true and safe.  But, risk is necessary to opportunity.  Calculated risks taken with intention allow us to grow beyond our comfort zones and open the door to limitless possibilities.  Trust that your many talents have equipped you to move beyond fear even through the next step is a bit uncertain.  You can’t grow without risk.  You got this.  Do great things.

Appreciate each day.  Not only because you are alive, but also because there are others in the world struggling just to survive.  Begin each day with a sense of gratitude.  Commit to be positive. Share a kindness (or several).  Wonder at something new.  Practice compassion by seeking to understand the struggles of others.  Spread love.  Commit to make the most of each day.  Every day.  Because you can... 

 "To listen is to lean in softly, with a willingness to be changed by what we hear" - Mark Nepo.
True listening has the power to deepen our love and compassion, and to transform our relationships, yet we rarely do. Too often, we are distracted by something else, thinking about how to respond, feeling interrupted and rushed by the press of time, or trying to direct the conversation to our own purposes.  As a result, we don't digest what the other person is saying or appreciate the feelings or other nonverbal cues behind their words.  Moreover, we don't seize the opportunity to learn from the wisdom that they may have to offer.
Start making an intention to listen actively, with curiosity and compassion.  If you sense yourself drifting, recognize it and come back to your active listening.  Practice it in everyday conversation.  See yourself in the other's shoes.  You will feel the love growing  in your heart as you do.  Deep listening will be more challenging in a conversation of conflict or aversion, but you can do it, and you will be better for having done so.  

 Love is contagious.  Those who do not have it catch it from those who do.  The power of love transforms everyone and everything that it touches.  Spread your love. 

 To my history students (and all my friends).... We will shortly mark a year of the physical separation that has kept us from sharing the joy of being together, learning together, caring together and for each other.  Our "remote learning" has, however, taught me much.

What is often missing from the study of history, or at least very much de-emphasized, are the stories of love, sacrifice and selflessness that reflect the essence of what it means to be human.  It is important to study the abuses and acts of oppression by those who seek to gain and hold power, to spread fear, anxiety, and hatred.  Perhaps their acts were the result of the absence or intentional suppression of love.  
We have all experienced the incredible warmth and power of loving kindness, as giver and receiver.  There is no greater force. Seek out the stories of those whose acts of love and compassion have enhanced the lives of others.              

Surround yourself with people whose life perspective is one of kindness and caring.  Assess the value of your days based on the love and kindness that you have shown to yourself and others. When you wake, ask what love would have you do that day. Before you go to sleep, ask whether you showed your love and compassion for others as you might have wished.  If not, then write your intention for the next day or reach out in an act of kindness that, in today’s digital world, we can do in writing 24/7.  
The history of the past year is as important as any other. Words and acts of enmity, hatred and bigotry were in full view. But, so too, were examples of the power of collective innovation and creativity, compassion and support, caring and love. Embrace these stories. Envision and live a life of loving kindness that will brighten and give meaning to your days and to the future of the world.   Make the history we'd all love to  study.

 This Stoic challenge is simple and straightforward, but not easy.  We often face temptation to do otherwise because we perceive that it will help us socially or economically. In our hearts, however, we will know that we have compromised our integrity and our desire to be good and kind to all.


We can build a habit of always doing right and speaking truth.  The first step is to pause and think before you speak or act, every time, even in the most mundane interactions or self-talk.  You can then mindfully choose how to proceed, and to do so with genuineness and compassion.   Embrace the temptations and prove to yourself that you have the inner strength to consistently live as a person of goodness and virtue.

 You are not your upbringing, not your past acts or relationships, not your current or prior jobs, not who you were yesterday, and most importantly, not who others think you might be.  Every day, you get to decide how you will speak and act, to decide what kind of person you want to be.   Be true to yourself and you will never look back. 

    So much wisdom here, including the importance of forgiveness of yourself and others.  We humans are far from perfect and can all recall times when we did not act or speak as we would have liked.   Marcus writes: "Whenever you take offense at someone's wrongdoing, immediately turn to your own similar failings..."  Were you ill-intentioned when you acted or spoke poorly?  Maybe just tired or overwhelmed?  Most of us intend to be kind and caring.  Let's not write off others so quickly when they do wrong.  You've been there before. Give everyone another chance. 

     Follow today's recipe if you:  - Want to better yourself  - Want to make a difference  - Want to know how to do so more     effectively among diverse and challenging opinions   Don't forget to sprinkle in a healthy amount of PATIENCE and, for best results, add in a big helping  of unconditional LOVE! 

   Contentment is the natural result of  confidence to maintain your composure in the way things are.  If we kindly and consistently work to make ourselves the best people we can be, then we can become so comfortable with ourselves that nothing can disturb our sense of and ability to speak and act with truth, goodness and compassion.   A perspective that prioritizes caring for others will help our quest for contentment.  The competitive nature of modern society will challenge this perspective, but we can grow to embrace success and happiness for all. As Martin Luther King Jr. said in his famous "Drum Major Instinct" sermon:  "You want to be first. You want to be great. You want to be significant. Well, you ought to be.  It's a good instinct if you don't distort it and pervert it.  I want you to be  first in love. I want you to be first in moral excellence. I want you to be first in generosity."  Strive to live for others in this way and you will begin to accept and experience every day with newness, wonder and unshakeable contentment. 

  Your personal perspective is essential to examine because virtually every statement is one of opinion.  What predispositions do I bring to my thoughts?  When others disagree, what can I do to attempt to understand their perspective?        A self-centered viewpoint is like looking at a single tree in the forest.  We can only appreciate the different perspectives on our world by actively becoming aware of and respecting the thoughts of others.  While we don't walk in anyone else's shoes, a kind and compassionate person will take the time to listen and attempt to understand the lives of others and to care about them.       Ultimately, of course, we can't and shouldn't wish to control the thoughts and actions of others.  The best we can do is to live a life of truth and righteousness, and to have patience for those who don't. 

 This moral challenge originates in Leviticus and directs us to fight injustice everywhere.  "Do Not Stand Idly By" emerged after the Holocaust as a pledge in the continuing fight for human rights led by Elie Wiesel and others.      Unfortunately, horrific human rights violations occur daily in this world and demand our attention.  In the U.S., we need look no further than our own communities to find pervasive racial, ethnic, religious, economic and social injustice. Working to end this injustice is our moral obligation.  The legacy of all minorities who have suffered from discrimination and persecution in American history demands that we fight to end the injustice that exists NOW - be unafraid to speak out, to call out and crusade against hate and bigotry, to amplify the voices of those affected, most notably people of color.     We all suffer when our neighbors suffer, but our compassion and caring can bring about change.  Get to work. Start some good trouble.  Demand fairness and equality from those who would prefer that things stay the same.  Spread lovingkindness.  Do Not Stand Idly By. 

 John Lewis had a huge heart and undeniable drive for justice.  His innate  goodness moved all who encountered him, even those with whom he had  political disagreements.  He was a tireless fighter and champion of  freedom and an acute observer of society's injustices that denied the  humanity of people of color and other minorities.                      It  is our charge to continue to highlight and address continuing  injustice, to make some "good trouble."  As LZ Granderson writes in his  wonderfully emotional and challenging article in today's LA Times,  "comfort doesn't bring change; only 'good trouble' does... In our drive to bring  equality and freedom to all, we must feel and create the discomfort that facilitates meaningful change.  John Lewis,  your spirit and inspiration lives on and moves us; words cannot truly express the measure of  your impact.  Thank you. 

     The Dalai Lama is said to exude serenity and goodness at all times, inspiring loving kindness in all who encounter him.  As I very much aspire to grow toward these character traits, I look to the Dalai Lama as a mentor.  His many writings, talks and his mere image are wonderful motivation for me to work toward a life of tranquility and unconditional goodness.   In what ways do you want to grow?   Who might you look to as role models?  Mentors can have a profound influence on our lives - we need not have met them to learn much and become inspired by their lives.  There are no limits to your choice of a mentor.  Find a new mentor today. 

   Recognizing and accepting the truth is essential to the well being of individuals and of society.  Start with yourself.  Personal integrity requires complete honesty at all times.  You know when you might be tempted to stray from the truth - instead embrace it and feel your growing contentment with living life as it really is, with all its ups and downs, avoiding the stress and tension that arises from self dishonesty. Live truth in your relationships with others - say only what you mean, don't debase or gossip, let your words exude kindness and love.  Be an model of acceptance, tolerance and equanimity.  Finally, insist on truth from others, leaders and society in general.  Many will distort the truth to serve their own personal interest, apparently unconcerned with their own integrity and the harm that they cause to others.  True freedom and justice is only possible if we demand that society operate on complete honesty and support those who uncover and report the truth. 

  Only you can judge whether you are living as you intend, progressing toward your goals, feeding and sharing your heart and soul.  As I've often written, frequent self-reflection provides a necessary measure of your growth.     The words and acts of others can serve as valuable lessons and raise important questions.  Role models and mentors are essential guides for your journey. But, your learning, words and acts should be carefully considered and chosen by you to serve your character.  Never let the opinion of another replace your own.  Believe in yourself. It's your life.